How to look for a therapist who understands trauma

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Green flags

• They mention trauma specifically:
  • "Specializing in complex trauma"
  • "Developmental trauma"
  • "Attachment wounds"
• They mention internal family systems
• They talk about the body/nervous system
  • "Somatic approaches"
  • "Polyvagal-informed"
  • "Bottom-up processing"
• They offer a short free test session: after all, they need to confirm that you are a good person, just as you need to confirm that they are
• They are specific about methods and modalities (eg "EMDR", "CBT")
• They walk you through their approach: "I prefer to…", "Usually I…"
• They answer your questions in a way that you are satisfied with the answer
• When you reach out, they ask you about your reasons to reach out, your expectations and goals
• After talking to them, you feel like a human being
• After and during talking to them you don't feel judged

Red flags

• You don't feel good.
  REMEMBER that it is not OK to feel bad. You don't have to suffer. Nobody benefits from it.
• Their answers to your questions make no sense to you
• You feel judged
• You feel rushed
• You don't understand what the plan is, why, and how it should benefit you
• They focus on their expertise more than on your peace
• They don't care about your feedback
• Questions are not welcome

This is where a trauma survivor is most vulnerable: we don't understand that discomfort is wrong.

We should NOT feel bad, it's not normal. I may not be good at standing up for myself, but I definitely have enough spirit to say "Thank you, let me think about it" and simply not-do what does not feel good.

It's OK not to do what hurts me. It's normal and right. I am crying while typing this, thinking of all the choices I made in the years when I did not know this.

So, just as in everyday life, stick with people who want to know what you think or feel, who let you ask questions in a way that works for you. Avoid people who tell you, unprompted, what you should do and give slimy answers to simple questions.